Weekly Nepal

Porntastic ways to reignite passion

From the latest information in the papers, it appears that watching porn is not illegal, but sharing porn is. I'm not quite sure what that means. 

Does it mean that lending your porn CD to friends is illegal? Does it also mean that you can watch it alone, but not with your spouse or partner? It's worth finding out! The breakdown in most marriages occurs when sex becomes boring. Couples feel neglected, unattractive and the threat of infidelity looms large. Of course, there are many ways of keeping the flame alive, from sexy lingerie, new forms of foreplay that go beyond the predictive routine of spot 1, spot 2, spot 3...! Sometimes it's a couple's holiday free of the stress of daily monotony and routine, or perhaps some infuse passion through a contact sport or hobby involving touch like dancing, swimming, kick boxing, massage etc. But for many that don't have the time or energy or creativity to re-ignite the spark or keep the bonfire going, watching porn together is another much used medium. I have a lot of women friends that hate the fact that their men secretly watch porn. They feel they are not attractive or exciting enough and some feel it's akin to cheating. I say share the joy. If watching porn as a couple is legal, I would suggest making the solo dance into a duet and infuse the dying embers with a good dose of fire. But it would be prudent of me to advice that you never praise those surgically enhanced body parts on screen in a manner that would make your partner feel uncomfortable about their own body, and most importantly, if you make your own home videos, please delete them immediately after. Enough articles abound on jilted partners misusing such stuff. Stay passionate, stay safe! 

I am in an intimate relationship with an office collegue for the last three years. But now I don't want to continue and my request is followed by repeated sessions of intimacy. We've shared a lot of personal secrets and cannot afford to walk out because of the photos and recordings taken. 

- Geeta, Jabalpur 

If you want out, you have every right to walk out. But if you keep succumbing to such sessions he won't take your words seriously. Stop the intimacy right now. Firmly demand that he return all videos and photos. If he threatens to share them with others, tell him that you will not hesitate to press charges. If he blackmails you today, he can blackmail you for years to come and that is unacceptable and illegal. Google all cases where guys have been punished for such actions and the latest ruling banning the broadcast and distribution of porn, and send him a docket of it to make your stand clear. The law is on your side. And if possible talk to a senior family member you can trust on this matter. Next time be smarter and don't allow anyone to film you in a compromising manner. 

I'm an 18-year-old girl and have a boyfriend since two years. We both love each other immensely. The problem is that he's too possessive and gets really angry when it comes to me having good guy friends. At time he misunderstands me, which gets annoying. I try to explain things to him but all my efforts seem to go in vain. I feel helpless. I can't let go of him because I know he loves me and cares for me more than I do! 

- Namrata Singh 

Only with time, experience and wisdom comes confidence, acceptance, trust and the ability to love someone in all entirety for who they are. I won't say it comes with age, because many grow older but not wiser. But incredible jealousy, possessiveness, insecurity etc all are part and parcel of the immaturities of being 18! It's just something that will need to be worked upon and learnt from. 

I'm 27 and in love with a 24-year-old girl. She'd accepted my love in the past but soon got married to someone else. Till date I haven't been able to forget her - I still keep her photo with me. I love her sincerely because I believe she was my only love and I don't want to lose her. I'm getting married soon, and my psyche says that I will be dishonest to my wife after marriage. If my wife comes to know abou this matter, I don't know how she will react. Please help me with a solution. 

- Kunal Sahi 

The fact is that she is gone and you have lost her. The fact also is that you have a chance to start afresh and have a loving future. You can choose to contaminate it by romanticising the past, but it will serve you no purpose. Please cleanse your past before you embark on a future. Psychologists say it works wonders to write a long goodbye letter, and vent all your hurt, anger and pain into it. Then tear it up along with her photograph and toss it into the bin. Marry only when you are ready to commit to your wife completely. Just because you're heartbroken, doesn't give you the right to break someone else's heart. 

I am a 21-year-old guy going out with a 17-year-old-girl. Last week I discovered that she was lying to me. I had told her not to go for a bike ride with her sister's lover and she said won't. However, I saw her with him on the bike. When I asked her, she lied saying that she was at home. I tried talking to her politely but she didn't tell me the reason for lying. 

- Puneet Mehta 

The fact that she feels the need to lie to you about an innocent bike ride is tragic. You are being unnecessarily possessive about her and it's obvious she does not respect or align with your thought processes. If you don't trust her, don't be with her. But it might work better to tell her why you feel insecure, that you love and trust her, and don't wish to control her and be lied to. Tell her you want an open, loving, honest relationship and would like her to work with you on creating one.