Weekly Nepal

5 Things that scare women about sex

Men might always dream of having sex the way they do in porn movies. But sex can be fun and exciting only when both the partners share a comfort level. Are you aware there are certain things women feel uncomfortable about while having sex? 

Remember most women don't have sex for the sake of sex, and they don't want men to treat them like a sex kitten. Women like to get naughty, for them sex should be an outcome of love, passion and romance. To make life easy for both men and women, we bring you five things that scare women while having sex. 

1. Anal sex Anal sex gives a different pleasure compared to regular sex, and it's getting all the more common these days with couples, but you are advised to never shock her with it. There are women that don't get aroused by anal stimulation. So men should always know what kind of women they are in bed. If it has been a bad experience in the past, she'll be off it for the rest of her life. 

2. Getting pregnant Men always prefer sex with their partners without a condom. But it's a headache for women if they are not ready to have babies. Having sex and pulling out before ejaculating may not be the best way out. And women don't like to take birth control pills or pregnancy test all the time. So men should never impose unprotected sex on their partners. 

3. Extreme sex Before you experience kinky sex understand your partner well. We know sex toys, handcuffs, ropes, satin ribbons, dirty talks, and whips are a great stimulant, but not if you are using them at a wrong time or with a new partner as it can scare the hell out of her. So, stop acting like a porn star! 

4. Sex during periods It may be okay to have sex during periods but women always feel uncomfortable or unsafe while doing so. Sometimes it becomes messy and turns out to be a big turn off. So be patient, wait for the monthly break to be over and enjoy smooth love making. 

5. Sex with no passion Sex without love or passion happens only in porn movies. Men can do it but women can't. Jumping into the bed without kissing your partner or doing a little warm up to arouse her will make her all the more uncomfortable. Don't forget that women always associate sex with love and emotions.

Teens go too far sexually when drunk

Many teenagers admit going too far sexually than intended while they are drunk leading to pregnancies and spread of diseases, senior doctors have warned.

According to the Royal College of Physicians, excessive drinking and sex was a "cocktail" for teenage pregnancies and infections.

The report urged GPs and nurses to ask teenagers about their drinking habits when they turn up to sexual health clinics for contraception or the morning-after pill.

The organisation highlighted research showing that a fifth of 14 and 15-year-old girls said they did more sexually than they wanted to while drunk.

More than 80 percent of 16 to 30-year-olds said they drank before sexual activity.

The college said that one million teenagers attend sexual health clinics every year to get free contraception, the morning-after pill or to undergo tests and treatment for sexually transmitted infections.

It said that this provides doctors and nurses with a "key opportunity" to find out about youngsters' drinking habits and warn them about the dangers of going overboard.

"The links between alcohol use and poor sexual health have been recognised for some time, yet the services available do not reflect this clear association," the Daily Mail quoted Simon Barton, chair of the RCP's Alcohol and Sexual Health Working Party as saying.

"Failing to discuss alcohol consumption with a patient accessing sexual health services is a missed opportunity.

"Although services that aim to tackle this problem cannot be effective in isolation, there is a real opportunity for sexual health services to support people both in identifying their behavioural risks and in empowering them to take action," he said.

The report looked at a survey carried out on 14 and 15-year-old girls in Rochdale in 2004, which found that a fifth had gone further than intended when drunk.

A separate study of 2,000 15 and 16-year-olds from 1991 found that 11 per cent regretted having sex after drinking.

"Nurses are often the first point of contact when dealing with sexual health issues," Peter Carter, chief executive of the Royal College of Nursing, said.

"Robust regulation on the sale of alcohol, along with sensible minimum pricing and educational campaigns, is also desperately needed," he added.

Cheating is a norm with men

A study has found men are always likely to cheat despite loving their partners and never wishing to leave them and suggests that society embrace more "sexually open relationships". 

According to sociologist Eric Anderson, cheating gives the men the best of both worlds. And most of them who do still want to stay with their partner -- they just want to have more sex on the side, the Daily Mail reported. 

Monogamy has ostracised men from doing what they most want to do, says the American sociologist, who teaches at Britain's University of Winchester. 

In his book -- The Monogamy Gap: Men, Love, and the Reality of Cheating -- Anderson writes cheating is the norm, not the exception to it, and it's high time that people start embracing "sexually open relationships that coexist without hierarchy or hegemony". 

He says the ones who don't stray are actually setting themselves up for "socially-compelled sexual incarceration". 

For the study, Anderson surveyed 120 undergraduate men -- both gay and straight. He found that 78 per cent of those with partners cheated, "even though they said that they loved and intended to stay with their partner". 

He told the Huffington Post that men want to be emotionally monogamous, though their "body craves sex with other people somatically". 

To Anderson, it's better for men to cheat and repent for it, since telling their partner that they want sex outside the relationship is a tried-and-true relationship-ender. 

"When men cheat for recreational sex, not affairs, they do love their partners," he said, adding : "If they didn't, they would break up with them".

First get naughty, then have sex!

Is it true that "real" sex is all about an Earth-shattering climax wherein foreplay plays no role? Is it possible to play by rules in the game of love? We explore. 

It may start with the morning tea you serve your spouse in bed and progress into a passionate rendezvous by the evening that eventually escalates into carnal bliss in the night. If you haven't guessed it yet, we are talking about the naughty acts before sex that are commonly referred to as foreplay. 

If legends like Vatsayan are to be believed, for a sexual intercourse to be a perfect experience, a prolonged and sensual foreplay is most important. Since time immemorial, tales of making love have abounded with instances of immaculate foreplay that is considered to be the most fundamental part of best sex. Its boundaries stretch much beyond mere skin to skin seduction. However, according to a study conducted on 2,360 Czech women, the act of foreplay is overrated. The study claims that when it comes to the likelihood of having an orgasm, foreplay has little or no significance. 

Is foreplay actually overrated? Is it true that "real" sex is all about Earth-shattering climax wherein foreplay plays no role? Is it possible to play by rules in the game of love? We explore... 

Importance of foreplay 

Explaining the findings of the controversial research, experts suggest, "Sex therapists and educators lay overwhelming emphasis on foreplay, but they need to be guided by the evidence which shows that it is not the case. Intercourse is significantly more important." 

On the other hand, in India, experts share a different perspective altogether. Dr. Shahid Ansari, a sex therapist, explains, "Love making is considered as one of the most efficient ways to get close to your partner. During the act you are with your soul-mate and have prepared yourself to forget all the other worldly worries and have set your mind to attain the ultimate experience - foreplay allows you to do exactly the same. It's not only restricted to bodily pleasure, but it's the moment when both the partners dedicate themselves to each other." 

Supports Rashmi Vaidye, a clinical physiatrist, "I totally disagree with those who condemn the importance of foreplay. It doesn't necessarily mean kissing, hugging, licking, touching etc., it has to do with anything that allows both partners to set the scene, much before you undress. It may be a combination of some acts or a mixture of all; it all depends on the way you want to treat your partner." 

Foreplay is an experimental phase - and the experiment that linger on for life, if you need to live healthy and happy! Expressing surprise on the latest revelation regarding foreplay, Jamshed Sighania, a 28-year-old software developer, says, "I guess these people are really short on time or sleep because for me, the extra minutes spent on fondling my partner are nothing less than true bliss." 

Foreplay makes love last? 

In the beginning of a relationship, lovers mostly can't get enough of each other. This has more to do with just chemistry...it stems from mischievous petting and touching! The first few years of togetherness are filled with steamy showers and lovemaking. But have you ever wondered why it fades later? 

Sexologist Dr. Renu Rai answers, "Making love in the beginning is very hot because of the touching and caressing (read foreplay). Making out is foreplay, but how often do people who have been married for ten or more years make out? They seem to just hop into the sack, aimed to achieve an orgasm. People forget that orgasm is only a brief part of making love." 

"Me and my wife are married since last thirty years, but still find the passion and desire we once experienced on our honeymoon. Love making is a holistic experience. To achieve maximum pleasure and to arouse your spouse to the peak level, both the partners need extra spice and that is attained via foreplay. All it takes is a bit (or more) of efforts to set the mood and ignite your partner's passion," shares Gaurav Bansal (name changed on request), a 54-year-old brand manager. 

Men from Mars and women from Venus! 

According to relationship expert Vandana Ganpathy, "Foreplay is the most critical part of sex. An average woman needs about 45 minutes of sensual intensification to reach an orgasm. I agree that a 'hot and fast act' has its own moments, but the simple truth is women need a little more time." 

Agress Samridhi Chopra, a 26-year-old marketing manager, "Women are emotional creatures, and that's why they like, enjoy and often need foreplay. This has held true since ages, for men sex tends to be a stress reliever, but for women we need stress relief in order to be romantic. So if our partners take the time to listen, comfort and cuddle us a bit, there's nothing more valuable and more gratifying". 

Foreplay is the one thing women can't get enough...errr...okay, there are a few other things as well. Jhanvi Sharma (name changed on request) shares her woes, "My boyfriend is in love with quickie sex. He gets some sort of kick out of it. A long, passionate lovemaking session is just not his cup of tea. By the time I get ready for sex, he is over with it. It's painful, annoying and I feel used. I would any day prefer a longer foreplay than the main course of the sexual act itself." 

"Unlike their male counterparts, women aren't raring to get down to it. This is because their bodies need the lubrication required for intercourse and their emotions dictate the same to them. They need to feel a sense of closeness and mutual respect with their partner. All of this can be achieved through foreplay, which will also help the woman in question feel desired. If you simply want to jump her bones, she'll feel like a tool or a machine," explains Dr. Shahid Ansari. 

So, ladies and gentleman, the verdict is out - even while you hustle and bustle and can't find time to spin around, it would be good for your relationship if you learn to please each other. 

Foreplay can actually rock your love nest and learning how to execute it will be your key to sexual success. Here are a few tips: 

1. Be creative 

Unfortunately, for a majority of us, the perception of foreplay is merely kissing and petting. Forget dimming the lights and nibbling on your partner's neck (don't overlook them completely, just briefly). Try on edible lingerie, nibble on aphrodisical foods or soak in a warm bath with aromatic oils. 

2. Don't rush things 

One of the most important things to remember about foreplay is to focus on everything, but the so-called "bull's eye" of the body. You can go near them, but don't focus on them. Let the act of arousal build gradually. If you rush right in for the end zone, the game will be over before you even knew it. Take it slowly. Concentrate on being the best kisser your partner's never had; treat every area of the body as an erogenous zone. Touch and kiss often-neglected areas such as the neck, throat, inner arms, stomach and eyelids before moving on further. 

3. Foreplay is not exclusive to men 

Thought seducing a woman is a man's contractual obligation? Well, its time to dump the myth. Women can also resort to foreplay. Forget touching his hand, biting his lips, invading his private space and other feminine foreplay techniques, men respond favourably to visual stimulation, so try wearing a garter belt, slipping into those sexy heels or trying on the lacy lingerie. 

4. Fantasise 

Many of the most effective pre-play techniques happen before you even get your partner's clothes off. It can start with a voice or text message sharing your deepest desire and fantasy with your beau. Even if you choose not to share your deepest, darkest desires, start using fantasy to get yourself in the mood for a rocking climax. 

5. Pamper your partner 

Believe it or not, some women can even be brought to an orgasm through a sensual foot massage. An erotic massage will sexualise and wake up new parts of your spouse, increasing the scope of pleasure. The trick to giving an invigourating massage is to keep it sensuous, which means taking breaks between touches to lick and kiss your lover. 

6. Put on a show 

Take tips from Dita Von Teese and perform a fabulous striptease for him/her. Make sure you're wearing something slinky under your clothes. Pep up your love den by making sure it looks seductive with dim lights, scented, aroma candles and fresh bed and bath linens. Have a fridge stocked with champagne, wine, beer, chocolate, strawberry, grapes and other aphrodisiacal foods to feed your lover. Put on some sultry instrumental music and sway to them. 

7. Seal it with a kiss! 

Deep tongue kissing is one of the many formulas to turn you both on. As a matter of fact, couples like deep tongue kissing because it mimics sex. Instead of using the kiss as a two second start up, use it as a lingering moment to share your passion. If you don't feel kissing is one of your stronger skills, work on it! There are lots of tips available, but one of the key points to keep in mind: men prefer wetter kisses with more tongue action than women. 

8. Choreplay 

This one is just for the men out there - want to spice up your love life? Grab a mop! Start by cleaning the kitchen, helping her with the dishes or preparing for next day's breakfast. Women are put in the mood for love-making when their stress and work load is reduced. Once you shoulder more of the domestic work load and actually get her in the mood, use some of the above tips to make your typical foreplay moves even better. 

9. Foreplay 24*7 

There is no such thing as 'the perfect foreplay' and there are no defined rules, time and techniques to set the ball rolling. Foreplay is all about giving pleasure and creating anticipation. Give your partner a long, lingering goodbye kiss in the morning, instead of a usual peck and send a suggestive E-mail from work. Foreplay is (luckily) a 24 hour a day thing. Use mental stimulation to make your lover yearn for you. 

10. Oral Action 

Don't jump to conclusions, we are talking about communication. Foreplay starts with words. Irrespective of your gender, complimenting your lover is a sureshot way of not just breaking the ice, but also making the other person admire you. Tell your partner about something in your life that really excites you, or if you know him/her well enough, tell a story that will attract her even more.